Thorpe then gave football a crack, beating Harvard’s and West Point’s teams along the way to winning the 1912 college championship as a running back, defensive back, and punter. Of mixed Sac and Fox heritage, he faced racism from teammates, coaches, journalists, and opponents–all of which he shut up by his extraordinary performance on the field. Thorpe also won the 2012 intercollegiate ballroom dance contest, because why not?

But Thorpe wasn’t done yet. That same freaking year, he won Olympic gold medals in the pentathlon and decathlon despite never previously competing in them. The craziest part is that someone stole his shoes before the final decathlon event, so he borrowed one and fished another out of a trash can AND STILL WON. Is your jaw on the floor yet? Well, pick it up because Thorpe was nowhere near done.

Never afraid to put too much on his plate, between 1913 and 1919, Thorpe simultaneously played professional baseball with the New York Giants AND professional football with the Canton Bulldogs, leading the latter to three national championships. What in the… we don’t even know…